A Counselor's Thoughts After "Successful" Termination
The last session of counseling with a client/clients is always so bitter sweet.
You’ve spent weeks, months—possibly years—together. You care deeply for the person sitting across the room from you (or now, these days, on the other side of the computer screen). You’ve worried over them, thought about them between sessions—seen movies, tv shows, or things out in the world that have reminded you of them. And now, that intensely intimate relationship is ending.
The goal of counseling is always for counseling to end. As therapists, we try to prepare both ourselves and our clients for the termination of the counseling relationship from day one. The very idea of therapy is that, eventually, we get our clients to the point where they do not need therapy any longer.
And yet—when the time comes for them to go it alone—the ending of the relationship can still feel too soon and involve a little heartbreak.
My role as a counselor is such an incredibly privileged one. It involves such high levels of trust and vulnerability for all involved. I am honored to hold with clients their deepest secrets, closest insecurities, and massive triumphs—all of which, in many cases, even their closest friends and family are not privy to. I cannot express the gratitude I have for the strength of my clients and the pride I feel for them when they accomplish their goals. Every single bit of the work I am trusted to do with them is an honor.
When we have done the work—when the shame closets have been emptied, Marie Kondo-d, and closed back neatly—and it comes time to say goodbye, I burst with pride and happiness for them. The weight of the honor of my role overwhelms me and sometimes, like now, I sit in my office feeling tears well up from a mix of gratitude and, yes, sadness that—if all goes to plan—I will never see these people again.
To these clients: I am glad for the “thank yous” I have received. I laugh at the jokes about being at the top of your 911 call list. And I am glad that I have been helpful to you. But I want you to know—you have changed me also. Because of the relationship, the alliance, we have shared—I will also never be the same.
Thank you for being raw and real with me. Thank you for reminding me of the tenacity of the human spirit. Thank you for proving to me time and time again that trauma can be overcome. Thank you for bringing me into your relationships and showing me how deeply humans can care for one another.
Thank you.
Even though our time together is done, know that I will continue to love you in totally ethically appropriate ways—now from a greater distance. Know that you have impacted me. And please, know I am here if you need me again.
